I need some advice and words of wisdom from all of you out there in Blog-land, especially parents. We have a new little four-year-old girl in Primary whose family recently arrived from another country. Let's call her Rosie, because that's not really her name. Rosie understands a little bit of English but speaks very little, and English isn't spoken in her home. Her family's language isn't a common language, so it's not like we can just pull someone in to be an interpreter.
Rosie is a sweet girl and does fine in Primary when her mom sits in there with her or when older sister or cousins (also Primary age) are there, but if her mom or the other kids aren't there, she turns vicious. She bites, pinches, kicks, pulls hair, etc. She's managed to draw blood a couple of times (just on the adults, fortunately). We've all been going home with Rosie-welts all over our arms, hands, and legs.
Normally the solution would just be to take the Rosie to her parents and let them deal with her. But Rosie's mom already has her hands full with a toddler who's too young for Nursery. After we drop Rosie off with her, she sneaks Rosie into the Nursery and goes back to her meeting. Nobody sees it happen because, like so many Nurseries, our Nursery is huge and chronically understaffed. Rosie gets noticed when she starts bullying one of the other kids, so the Nursery leaders bring her back to Primary and the cycle starts again. (There's also a language barrier with her mom, of course, but we've tried explaining several times that Rosie is too old for Nursery and needs to be in Primary. We've also shown her our bite marks and bruises. I'm guessing she understands but doesn't know what to do about it.)
I can see Rosie's point of view: she's scared, she doesn't know anybody, she doesn't understand what's being said, and (like a typical 4-year-old) she really doesn't want to sit there listening to other kids sing songs. I'm afraid that if we keep dumping her back with her mother, where she's disruptive during the adult meetings, we'll lose the whole family. There has to be another solution. Help!!!
9 comments:
Not quite sure what to tell you. Sounds like she's having a rough time trying to figure out what's going on. The only way to get attention is to act the ways she has been. It's hard when she doesn't speak English and her mom doesn't either. Tricky one here. They really need to learn English so we can understand them and be able to talk to them.
Hey there - I'm normally just a lurker on your blog. So enjoy reading it :) - have some advice. That age child responds really well to primary reinforcers (food). Meet with child and parents (maybe at their home) to establish a bit more rapport with Rosie. Explain via the parents that the biting, hitting, etc is not ok in Primary. Emphasize what an important part of primary Rosie is - all the things she can do to help her teacher and the presidency. Then suggest a behavior contract - ie, if she can be helpful (replacing the bad behavior with a good one) she could earn a special treat at the end of church. She would have to come to you to get it. She will know you are the treat lady and you instantly have some clout with her. Doesn't have to be big - smarties, etc. Good Luck with this! Keep us posted on her progress.
Sheridan
Tough! What if Rosie was assigned to one adult caretaker during Primary? That person would have to be there every week, sit by her, discipline her, reward her, etc. That way she has at least one constant she can count on.
Oh Rosie... I had the opportunity to spend a few minutes with her this past sunday and she is a tough child. I've been in past wards where a specific adult is assigned to a child because they were having a hard time adjusting to primary. They even had to assign one of the Brothern who was strong enough to handle the child. I think it would work for Rosie. She came to RS this week and did great with the Sister that she was with (I'll let you know who it was if you don't know.) She really seemed to respond to one on one and did great when there were things to entertain her.
I agree with the above two comments. We had a little girl in primary who was struggling with mild autism and would act out physically and cause huge drama. We had someone called specifically to be with her and it worked out well. Maybe she should honestly be trained in some restraint techniques? Hopefully though, having one person there to shadow her every week would give her enough security to not freak out. Good luck!
Sounds like everyone has given some good ideas I agree. My only other thought is just love her. Spend some time getting to know her better and love her more. It's always easier to deal with challenging children when you have a stronger love for them.
I think it's my turn to say I'm glad I'm not in primary. Good luck. :)
I love the comments so far! Great ideas! A visit to the child's home goes SO well. Even with the communication barrier, everyone knows a smile means friendship to everyone... Also, some little thing like an old issue of the Friend Magazine (Do they have it in their language? It might be worth the $8 subscription. Have it sent to your house, and then it would give you a reason for taking it to her every month.) Food is also a winner. Even if you don't have something in your hands, it's all right to just go say hi. Good luck. Pray hard. Visualize.
Go team! That sounds like a rough situation. Have you also looked through all the material on the church Primary website? There is a lot of information on there about dealing with inappropriate behavior and how to love and work with children.
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